meant to be

greetings new friends! I've been wanting to create a blog for some time now, so here we go!

I've been really ~outwardly~ chill (at least i feel like i have,) about the whole college (and future decisions) process, thus far. My thinking has been: "whatever’s supposed to happen will happen, and the decision will come to me when it’s time". Well now i’m starting to freak out. The decision now feels real (one month away!!) and the “what ifs” are starting to take up residence in my heart. What if the decision doesn’t just come to me and I have to actually choose? What if I don’t pick the place I will thrive and be the most happy? Endlessly the "what ifs" creep into my heart. Right now I am living in a place of fear. I am restricted by fear. I know I just have to ~Let Go~ but letting go feels so scary. Also, letting go sorta feels like what I have been doing thus far, yet the decision hasn’t come to me.

All my options look so different! What do I want?

Some of my fears I am able to articulate:

I’m afraid of falling through the cracks.

I’m afraid of going unnoticed and being just one of many. I like to be Hannah Moore. (self-absorption anyone?)

I’m afraid of being in too small of a group of people and not being exposed to everything I wish for.

I’m afraid of being overwhelmed by schoolwork & responsibilities, of drowning in "need-tos" and "shoulds". I’m afraid of regretting my choice, and of wishing I was somewhere else.

And some of my affirmations:

I've made weird school choices in the past, and I have thrived. I will thrive wherever I go.

I trust that whatever happens is meant to be. I will be there for a reason.

I will find my people. I will not fall through the cracks. I will be recognized.

I am abundant, (with many choices,) and I live abundantly.

I am oh so blessed and so FULL.

I stepped away for a two minute break after writing this and realized- what the heck hannah?! I am worrying about this and it’s not doing anything. There’s literally no reason to worry. Soon, the decision will be made and I’ll look back on this and see my worry was for naught and I'll feel great knowing everything is as it’s meant to be.

<<to preface... often I write my prayers>>

Hey Lord, I need your help. (obvi.) I love You so. Please lead me.

You’re coming for me Lord, and You will carry me. I have faith in this.

“There’s no lie you won’t tear down coming after me”

-words of wisdom from Cory Asbury in Reckless Love. (listen to it below!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sc6SSHuZvQE

Jesus thank you.

I’m going to see how this looks and feels tomorrow.

Jesus even says (paraphrased;)) : you think this is great? Just wait and see what’s coming. Wait and see friends, wait and see.

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