shame shame go away

This morning I have been struggling with shame. I had been comfortable with wearing the same clothes every day, but this morning when I put them on to go to church, I noticed a stain on the shirt, smelt a faint BO, and saw a stain from patatas bravas on the leg of my jeans. Immediately I felt dirty. I felt unworthy to attend church in these dirty, smelly clothes. I felt shameful. I felt unworthy to be a part of Spanish culture with their formal style while in my plain blue sweater, jeans I've had for ages, and black nike's I wear every day. that's when i received a jolt of perspective. I stuck my pocket cross (thanks Mamama<3) in my jeans and headed out the door. I reminded myself that the Lord doesn't care what my clothes look like or if I am an au pair who brought minimal attire that is appropriate for the current weather. He cares that I show up to praise Him in whatever way that looks like at this point in my life. He wants me to enjoy life, attend a new church, and try to make friends. He doesn't want me to feel shame. Shame is not of the Lord. Guilt is a gift, given to us to feel right from wrong, and help us correct our path. However this was not guilt I was feeling, it was shame, an evil temptation, and did not (does not) serve me in any way. This example may seem trivial, but I have struggled with shame in more ways than one (as I'm sure you have too), and I wanted to take this opportunity to drag shame into the light, and practice putting it in its proper place --> out of my mind, out of my heart, out of my life.

Reminders to me:

I am an au pair, and had to pack clothing for one year to a place i'd never been. I am very capable of shopping, and can go buy some tights to wear with my dress in this frigid weather, or can buy a new sweater or new pair of jeans. I just need to muster the energy for the grueling task of shopping haha.

No one worry about me, I am going to wash all my clothes when i get home this sunday afternoon. :) ~a lesson about shame, taught to me through sweet abbie T~

and in honor of Abs...

*smooches*

Han

P.S. Idk why or how I made this face but it made me laugh so enjoy! I'm thinking it was mid-sneeze. If you have any ideas let me know.

ft. the jeans